Relationships

Our spiritual life is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ: but we are also bound in relationships with other human beings.

We know that some of our greatest blessings in this life are within our human relationships. But they are also where some of our greatest life struggles arise, too. Relationships can be very difficult at times.

Most Of Our Underlying Problems In Relationships Are Vertical

1 John 4:20 If a man says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar. For if he does not love his brother whom he can see, how is it he can love God, whom he can’t see?

When we are having problems in our relationships with others, it is often reflective that we are having trouble in our relationship with God.

This truth is pointed out clearly by the order in which God gave us the Ten Commandments.

Exodus 20:1 And God spoke all these words, saying:

The first four commandments give directions for our vertical relationship with God, and the last six give us directions for our (horizontal) relationships with other human beings. This order is not by chance. To succeed in treating other people the way God intended, our relationship with Him must be correct.

If we do not follow the first four commandments with Him, then the last four cannot be followed successfully, with them.

No Man Is An Island

God knows that we need other people in our lives.

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of a continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less … any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore, never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. ~John Donne

Proverbs 17:17 A friend is loving at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

The difference between a friend and brother is noted here. A true friend is a constant source of love, while a brother in one’s family may not be close, but is drawn near to help in trouble. Friends are often closer than brothers/sisters, because they are available all the time, not just in the crisis.

In Aristotle’s famous treatise on Ethics, two books out of nine are devoted to the moral bearings of Friendship. For him, Greek friendship was to be merged in Christian love.

Proverbs 18:24 A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

If we make “close friends” too easily and indiscriminately, we do so to our own destruction. But a friend chosen wisely is more loyal than a brother.

How Are Our Close Friendships?

We cannot walk through this life alone. I’m not sure that it is even possible to walk with God in the depths that He desires to open up to us, if we try to do it on our own. Without people in our lives who know us well, someone close enough to know our struggles and our pain, we allow ourselves to be placed in danger of many temptations. We need friends to turn to when life gets tough, but also as companions who can encourage us regularly.

Our Relationships Model is our triune God Himself.

Although God is one divine Being, He is not one person. God is an eternally existing fellowship and friendship of three persons. Theologian and author J. I. Packer says, “The one God (‘He’) is also, and equally, ‘they,’ and ‘they’ are always together and always cooperating.”

John 17:21 That they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You have sent Me.

If we pattern our lives after the Trinity, we come to a startling conclusion: We are individuals who exist for and flourish best in community with others.

We are to love one another, but there are some brothers and sisters in Christ who are difficult to be around. Some still have a long way to grow in their character. They have blind spots, problems that they have yet seen, but just as important, we need to see our own blind spots.

How do we come across to others?

We must give Christian kindness to all people, even ‘the difficult’ ones. Yet we have no obligation to sustain a close friendship with Christians who manifest abusive traits or who are unable to engage in a mutually enriching, intimate adult relationship.

We can minister to and extend Christian grace to our brothers and sisters by creation, but we must recognize a basic distinction between the open practice of Christian love to all, and the special love for a close friend.

As we celebrate love and relationships today, let’s ask God to help us grow in the way we love Him,
and them, for our good, and His glory.