The only way to discuss any social evil is to get at once to the social ideal. We can all see the cultural problem that something is wrong in marriage and relationships, but no one seems to ask what a real marriage relationship is supposed to be like?

God created human beings, and as the Old Testament closes, this act demands the rest of the story, Christianity, to make sense out of what God was doing. His purposes in creation are incomplete without the work of Christ.

God created us IN HIS IMAGE. But we have marred the image so badly it is scarcely recognizable. Therefore, this truth begs for the completion of Christianity because what Jesus does is reclaim what has been lost. It is called a “new creation in Christ.”

It is impossible for one to fully grasp what it means to be male and female in marriage until they see that marriage is meant to portray Christ and the church.

When sin entered the world, the effect on our relationship as male and female was devastating.

This is a description of the cursed way things are going to be while sin reigns. There will be dominating men and devious women. This major sin points to Christianity because it begs for the healing that Christianity brings to the relationship between men and women.

The Male-Female Conflict is a Result of Sin

Genesis 3:16. Adam and Eve have both sinned against God. They have distrusted his goodness and turned away from him to depend on their own wisdom for their happiness. God calls them to account and now describes to them what the curse will be on human life because of sin. In Genesis 3:16 God says to the woman, “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, and your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

This is a description of the curse, and it is a description of misery, not a model for marriage. This is the way marriage, and relationships have been throughout history and will continue to be in history where sin has the upper hand.

There is a serious connection between the last words of this verse (3:16b) and the last words of Genesis 4:7. Here God is warning Cain about his resentment and anger against Abel. God tells him that sin is about to get the upper hand in his life. God said, “Sin is crouching at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it, you must rule over it, or control it.”

The parallel here between 3:16 and 4:7 is extremely close. The words are virtually the same in Hebrew. In 3:16 God says to the woman, “Your desire is for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” In 4:7 God says to Cain, “Sin’s desire is for you, and you must rule over it.”

The reason this is important to see is that it shows us more clearly what is meant by “desire.” When 4:7 says that sin is crouching at the door of Cain’s heart (like a lion, Genesis 49:9) and that its desire is for him, it means that sin wants to overpower him. It wants to defeat him and subdue him and make him the slave of sin.

In 3:16, “Your desire shall be for your husband,” it means that when sin has the upper hand in woman, she will desire to overpower or subdue or exploit man. And when sin has the upper hand in man, he will respond in like manner and with his strength subdue her, or rule over her.

The Nature of Corruptness

A man is a person who, if a woman says, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” lets her.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, gets mad.
A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her and she gets mad, says, “Now what are you mad about?
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”

It hard to get anywhere unless both parties in a relationship understand corrupt we both are.

The reality described in the curse of 3:16 is the ugly conflict between the male and female.

The nature of sin is self-reliance and self-exaltation. First in rebellion against God, and then in exploitation of each other.

The nature of corrupted maleness is the focus on self for power and control, to subdue and exploit women for selfish reasons. It is the same for the woman, the focus on self for power and control to subdue and control and exploit men for selfish reasons.

The main difference between them is found mainly in the different weaknesses that we can exploit in one another.

The Exploitable Weaknesses of Man and Woman

It was Lord Acton who composed the epigram “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

He was [a] nineteenth-century British politician, a friend and adviser of Gladstone (four times prime minister). He was very disturbed to see democracy undermined by power styles. He was Roman
Catholic, but in 1870 he strongly opposed [the] decision of [the] First Vatican Council to attribute infallibility to [the] pope. He saw it as power corrupting [the]church.

As a rule, men have more brute strength than women and so they can abuse, and threaten them.

Women may not have as much brute strength as men, but there are ways she can subdue him. She can very often run circles around him with her words and where her words fail, she knows the weakness of his lust.

If you have any doubts about the power of sinful woman to control sinful man, just reflect for a moment on the number one marketing force in the world, the female body. She can sell anything because she knows the universal weakness of man and how to control him with it.

The exploitation of women by sinful men is conspicuous because it is often harsh and violent.

However, a moment’s reflection will show you that the exploitation of men by sinful women is just as pervasive in our society. The difference is, that our sinful society sanctions the one perversity and not the other.

Equality for the Two Is Only Part of the Answer

God created them equal, what exactly does that look like?

It’s like saying to a man and woman while sharing a dance floor or any other area where both are involved to make something happen. The two must remember, you are both equally accomplished dancers; you are equally regarded among your peers; you must seek harmony in execution of your part; you must complement each other’s moves; and don’t forget you will share the applause together.

Understanding this is very important and will greatly affect the performance. If that’s all they know about the dance they’re about to perform, they won’t be able to do it. They have to know the movements, their different positions, who will jump and who will catch. They must know who will run and who will stand. It is of the very essence of dance and drama that the players know the distinct movements they must make. If they don’t know their different assignments on the stage, there will be no drama, and most likely, someone will get hurt.

That is exactly why so many people are hurt in marriage relationship, and relationships in general. They forget they both have specific things they must understand is their role, and must be committed to following through with them.

Equal in their person means that a man is not less a person than a woman because in some ways he looks like a gorilla, and she does not. They are equal in their personhood and their differences don’t change that basic truth.

Equal in dignity means that they are to be equally honored as humans in the image of God. 1 Peter 2:17, “honor all,”

Mutual respect means that men and women should be equally zealous to respect and honor each other.

Complementing each other means that the differences of male and female will be respected and affirmed and valued. Male and female will not try to duplicate each other, but will highlight in each other the unique qualities that make for mutual enrichment.

Why is it that so many people marry a person and then spend most of the time trying to make their partner like themselves? Two of the same are not needed.

A unified destiny means that male and female, when they come to faith in Christ, are “fellow heirs of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). We are destined for an equal enjoyment of the revelation of the glory of God in the age to come.

Next week we will finish the relationships series, and will look at it as a picture of Christ and His Church.